then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
This show inspires me to have sex in space
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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