Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Randomize