How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Randomize
