Moan for me like Helen Keller
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
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