So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
