Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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