I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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