we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
