just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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