Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
You should frame my arrest warrant.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Randomize
