im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
