the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Just high enough for therapy.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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