hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
