Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
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