Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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