Do you still have your period?
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
