First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
