Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
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