Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
