Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
You're a waste of cheezeits
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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