U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Randomize
