Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Randomize
