erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I don't think brook has ever known best
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Randomize
