i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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