I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
