Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
