I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize