Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
