Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
