so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
