Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
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