why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
