He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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