I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
