dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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