he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
