I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Randomize
