so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
