woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
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