i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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