I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Randomize
