Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Randomize
