Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
