Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
where are my eyebrows?
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