he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Randomize
