i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
