Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize