I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
