Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
