Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
