i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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