D3 body, D1 cock
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
