Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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