GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Randomize
