yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
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