i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize