I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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