I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
