i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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