Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Who died my cat blue again?
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Randomize
