last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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