Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize