Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
