You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
