I faked an abortion last night.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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