He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Randomize
