I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Randomize
