I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
